So, love is a decent word. It carries all your pains and sorrows away. And love is patient. Love is giving. Love is forgiveness. And one day, when you find love, your dream is just become...

   Saturday, July 19, 2003  

funtasia is finally over. on friday, spent the afternnon helping oac n s10 set up their stalls. at nite, went to vivian's house to do sushi. it was damn fun. a lot of attrocious n ugly n )cannot be said) things were done. haha. biggest class outing to date also. really enjoyed ourselves, taking turns to make sushi n play games. went to sleep at about 2+am.
was awaken at about 5-am automatically. crept out of the bed (or i mean floor) and stared at the nite=dawn view of bukit panjang. it was quite nice in fact. very peaceful place... due to my stupid nose n (maybe that girl thinking of me... haha) i SNEEZE. ahhh-chhoooo!. then, split seconds later, i heard CHOO-CHOO-CHooooo.... ECHO!! omg... me quickly duck under the parapet to hide myself. lol.
in sch, was always at rock wall. our dear ee kiat was so damn heavy for dunno what reasons. he is only 70kg, but he seems like tonnes more to me. both times i belayed him, i flew forward for about 2 to 3 metres. hin. literally SLIDE in front. scary... well, later when the wall was free, i climbed up and i managed to clear the easier wall easily. yay! last time i tried, i failed. this time i finally made it. guess tactic n skill os useful. brute force is not always the way to solve things. felt really tired after that. also did some bouldering. managed to coever what the guys learnt in their first lesson. =)
later, had some sweet moments with girl... (i shall save the details). girl hinted to me to go out, but, i guess i was really too tired... i met my class to find out more about their bizarre incident over light dinner at farrer market n went home. yawn.
last but not least,
i love snail

   posted by zHaN at 7/19/2003 05:30:00 am






   Thursday, July 17, 2003  

sometimes i wonder. is it just me? i really wonder. morning i was real deaded. never felt that bad before. felt like sleeping, but i cant cos i downed a cup of coffee. felt like puking but the "stuff" is just stuck between somewhere unidentified. tried to do hw but my pen suddenly spoiled. din have mood for anything. was really really touched when girl sms me (though sound dumb but... it is NOT dumb!!)... felt much better instantaneously.
later on, stayed back to pei liangping paint the banner. did the zha2 wu4 while he painted. cleaned up my classroom more. for once in this year, the whiteboard is white. later on, i was left bewildered by an sms when i went home. i din know what to say. i initially wanted to find girl n say byebye, hugZ. well, girl said she wanted a hug in a earlier sms... n i really wanted to give her one. but, i was turned down. =( went home later on. then, later on, an sms came saying that i "really din go find her"... i was already too tred n giddy (i took a bus home => after-effect) to do or say anything. i stared at the sms... blank. i really really was lost. words. what are you actually? what do u mean? what do u hide? can SOMEONE TELL ME?!?!?! i am really really feeling terrible now.
escape is not the best way to solve things. but, i dunno what i can do now. all i know is that i want to plonk myself on my bed n sleep. good night. sweet dreams. i love you, hUgZ n kiSSeS...
zHaN

   posted by zHaN at 7/17/2003 08:12:00 am






   Wednesday, July 16, 2003  

recently have been busy due to the upcoming funtasia funfair. well, tired as it is, quite glad that the class is getting bonded n doing something constructiv for once. nevertheless, frustrations sets in sometimes. things doesnt goes well, but somehow, we managed to work it out. i was on the phone with girl today. was feeling real frustrated. when things seem to have a glimpse of hope, she just have to put them down n dismiss everything. i was feelng so bloody demoralised. sad. all the hopes i have for funtasia, for my class, for my life, seems to POOF vanish. i felt like crying. is life relly that bleak? if it is, then what for life on? if to live on, live constructively! make the best out all all kinds of shit is what i believe in. what for living n complaining? i dun understand.
feeling really tired. worn out. class, relationship. couldnt take a rest. both sides are pulling me apart. well, this s about the last events that gonna help my pathetic class bond and it seems to be working, yet, i felt so pressurised on the other side. whe one says "its ok", there always seem to have an underlying meaning. one never speaks his or her mind. that is so scary. i m feeling scared. insecure. worrying sets in. u never knows what EXACTLY is meant. i hate this feeling...
i lost the energy to go on much. i just want to take a short rest. let me finish this short lap n take a short nap. i just want to collapse on the bed. never to wake up? how i wish.
dead-zHaN

   posted by zHaN at 7/16/2003 08:02:00 am






   Thursday, July 10, 2003  

it has been long since i updated. yeah. more than a month. time really flies. the dumb june vacation is only 3 weeks long as one week was used to coever for the SARS break. with only 3 weeks, one went to revision lectures n practicals. the next went to camps n evaluation of camps. the last went to revision of work for my common test. sigh. what a "vacation". no breather. common test wasnt good. tot i could scrap past with some nice results after completing the papers, however, it seem otherwise. those that i should score, i din. those that i dun-think-will-score, yeah.... i really din score. sigh. oh heck. it is only a common test. at least i know i need to put in more hard work. resolution for zhanjiang => study hard. well, at least, overcome the inertia by completing your tutorials! ha. have been good these few days. managed to complete more than half of my SHM FM tutorials. good boy. keep it up. hope my momentum can keep me goiung all the way. i cant afford to run out of fuel at the last lap.
life have been rather dull i guess. no more CCA. so, whats left? just plain studying n studying i guess. well well, guess thats what JC is about. if i m not wrong, JC is actually a 3 year course, but as singapore students grew cleverer, they set up this 2 year crash course, aka JC now. i remember what my ex-vp said. JC is rush by itself. consider this. 3 months gone to play n havoc in year 1. in year 2, 3 more months gone as syllabus supposed to complete by then and have prelims. so, effectively, we have only 1 and a half years to do our 2 year crash course. wow. thinking about it. doing 3 years thingy in 1.5 years! arent i great? ok. enough of self-consolation. so, face the fact boy. u got urself into this, so complete this. bought 3 books. orange green n red. red is already filled up with my organic chem notes. i prepare to fill the other 2 up. hope i can do it.
life with girl has been rather good. misunderstanding cleared up. communication enhanced. well, guess we both grew in our own ways. dependant, however is the word i worry. are we both getting too D on each other? i wonder how are we going to pass our 2.5 years. dumb dumb years gonna be spent in army. hope that the D word doesnt cause any adverse effects. maybe, look on the bright side. absence makes the heart grows fonder. well, like a cactus, even if u dun water it, i grows n blooms (yes, cactus does bloom)! however, it u water it too much, it kababoom. =)
last wednesday is the first day without a CCA. now, monday will be for phy S. tuesday for chem make up. wednesday will be free. thursday for maths S (if i bother to go), friday free. saturday very free. so many days free. gonna mug, gonna spend more time with girl if i can. well, next year want also no more chance liaoz. hope we can make it past the hard times together. =)
the sun is good. hope weather remains good. i look forward to saturday.
luv, zHaN

   posted by zHaN at 7/10/2003 03:35:00 am